Will Paralysis: What to Do About Learned Helplessness

 Once upon a time, there was a girl with three red diplomas but a low income and chronically toxic relationships. This story resonates with many of us. Deep down, we all have that girl within us—someone who possesses intellect, understanding, and the desire to change her circumstances. Yet, when faced with questions like "Why don’t you find another job?" or "Why don’t you leave that toxic relationship?" the response often is, "I can’t; I feel powerless. "This feeling of paralysis—what I call "will paralysis"—is rooted in a profound belief that one cannot improve their situation. But where does this paralysis come from, and how can we combat it?

Will Paralysis: What to Do About Learned Helplessness

Understanding Will Paralysis

Let’s use a metaphor: Imagine will paralysis as a physical paralysis. Typically, paralysis occurs due to trauma or damage to the nervous system, which fails to send signals to certain parts of the body. Similarly, psychological helplessness can stem from external pressures or internal struggles that render our willpower ineffective. In the late 1960s, psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier conducted experiments on dogs that led to the concept of "learned helplessness." They divided dogs into two groups: one group could stop an electric shock by pressing a button, while the other group had no control over their situation. Over time, the second group learned to accept their suffering without attempting to escape. When the experiment was repeated with open cages, the first group quickly jumped to safety, while the second group remained passive, whining in pain. This behavior illustrates learned helplessness—a condition that develops from stressors beyond our control. Just like those dogs, many people feel their motivation is paralyzed by external circumstances or internal beliefs.

The Nature of Helplessness

It’s crucial to understand that helplessness is not solely learned; it can also be innate. We are born helpless; our survival depends on others recognizing our needs. As children, we instinctively cry out for attention and care. However, if at any point in our lives we are taught that our efforts are futile or harmful, this innate helplessness can become compounded by learned helplessness. Children typically do not struggle with motivation; they often believe in their own capabilities—this is a phase of magical thinking where they feel omnipotent. However, as adults, many face significant challenges in activating their willpower. This struggle is evident in coaching and therapy sessions where individuals express feelings of being stuck or paralyzed.

The Shift Towards Learned Optimism

The good news is that science shows our brains can be trained to overcome feelings of helplessness. Our frontal lobes are capable of developing strategies to manage these feelings effectively. To foster a mindset of learned optimism—realistic optimism without toxic positivity—we must cultivate awareness and recognize three key thinking patterns associated with learned helplessness:

• Permanence: The belief that difficulties are permanent (e.g., "I failed my math exam and will never pass it").

• Totality: The idea that being bad at one thing means being bad at everything (e.g., "I failed my math exam because I’m fundamentally stupid").

• Personalization: The belief that failures reflect personal shortcomings (e.g., "I failed because I am inherently flawed").

When we learn to replace these patterns with more flexible thinking—acknowledging that challenges are temporary and specific—we can break free from the cycle of learned helplessness.

Recognizing Triggers of Helplessness

To effectively combat learned helplessness, it’s essential to recognize what triggers these feelings. Here are some common factors:

1. Lack of Choice: Environments that dictate your actions without offering options can lead to feelings of powerlessness.

2. Retraumatization: Events that remind us of past traumas can trigger feelings of helplessness anew.

3. Toxic Environments: Abusive relationships or negative influences can push us into a state of anxiety and withdrawal.

4. Physical State: Fatigue or poor health can amplify feelings of inadequacy and helplessness.

Being aware of these triggers allows us to take proactive steps toward managing our mental health.

Practical Steps Towards Empowerment

To combat learned helplessness effectively, consider these strategies:

1. Choice: Empower yourself by making choices in your daily life. Studies show that elderly patients in nursing homes who had control over their activities reported better mental and physical health than those who did not.

2. Micro-actions: Even small steps towards your goals can help counteract feelings of helplessness. Remember the saying: “If you can’t move towards your dreams, at least lie down.” Every little action counts!

3. Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Encouragement from yourself and others fosters a healthier self-esteem.

4. Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness techniques such as meditation or journaling to enhance self-awareness and reduce anxiety.

5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive individuals who uplift you rather than drain your energy.

Healthy self-esteem is not something we acquire once and for all; it requires ongoing nurturing and effort—like maintaining physical fitness. We cannot expect lasting results from just a couple of workouts!

Conclusion

As we navigate life’s challenges—be it job loss, relationship issues, or personal crises—we must guard against falling into the trap of learned helplessness. This mindset can quickly overwhelm us if we allow it to take control. Recognize that low self-esteem can transform even the strongest individuals into passive observers of their own lives. Many people express feelings of being unable to gather themselves together: “I lack energy,” “I’m afraid to start,” “I don’t believe I can succeed,” “I feel paralyzed,” “Apathy overwhelms me at the slightest setback. ”Don’t surrender to your learned helplessness! It’s far easier (both culturally and biologically) to succumb than it is to push yourself toward a mindset of learned optimism—“I can try.” You absolutely can try! While I won’t promise instant happiness or success overnight, embracing this mindset will undoubtedly increase your chances of achieving your important life goals. So let’s commit to trying! Together, we can foster resilience and empower ourselves to take action towards fulfilling our dreams and aspirations.

Embracing Change

Ultimately, overcoming learned helplessness is about embracing change—both within ourselves and in our environments. It requires courage to confront our fears and challenge the beliefs that hold us back. By recognizing our inherent worth and capability for growth, we open ourselves up to new possibilities. Let’s remember that every step forward counts, no matter how small it may seem. Whether it's taking on a new project at work, reaching out for help when needed, or simply allowing ourselves moments of joy amidst chaos—we have the power to reshape our narratives. In this journey toward empowerment, let’s support one another as we break free from the chains of learned helplessness and step boldly into a future filled with hope and possibility!